ya'll. i can't sleep-- again. this is becoming a habit. and not the good kind. i'm so tired, then i lay down and my mind just goes to work.
i don't even know what to do with myself right now.
i feel lost.
when did i get so emo? we all know i'm on the emotional side but i feel like a lost, hot mess lately.
i feel like a failure, like i don't even know where to go from here. i had goals. one of them, probably the biggest most important one to me- is gone. the others, are in the works.
so now i lay in bed at night, sad. and just re-assessing the shit out of everything. what now?
i have so much to be grateful for, and i know it. i am blessed in many ways, have a lot that some don't. my needs are met. so what is my problem?
i guess, i just....don't know what to do now. like, struggling to even get my thoughts down right here and now. thats how jumbled up it is in my head.
i guess, i'm thinking i don't want to just go through the motions of life. i don't want to settle. i'm a determined and motivated person and i lost that a few days ago. i had/have all these goals i was constantly striving for- it was forever in the fore front of my mind. and now i'm low, so low that i'm just drawing a blank on all of it.
all i know is, the first priority is survival. taking care of my family in every way- so that i guess, is what i will focus on right now. don't get me wrong, that is always and will always be my TOP priority-- but i was always striving to do more than 'just survive'. more than going through the motions. more than just treading water. living life, achieving goals, REALLY LIVING and succeeding.
probably the lamest, most boring blog i've ever written in the 5 years i've been blogging. figures.
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